By Thea Lazuli
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October 22, 2024
1. To experience intimacy in a pressure-free space. Many of us only do intimacy in the context of dating, where the anxieties of “What are we going to be to each other, are you the one, can you meet all of my needs? Any of them? Will you leave when you see my most shameful parts?” pervade. One of the major offerings of this work is that there is nothing to achieve. By taking the most common mental loops of worry off the table, we’re much more available to explore and learn, take up space, be honest with ourselves and each other. It’s a space where you don’t have to strive. What can your body experience without all that? 2. To practice healthy communication before, during and after. Sessions involve healthy communication before during and after we meet. Beforehand, we’re designing the details of what we want the session to look like. During a session we’re checking in, employing various forms of listening, and editing on the spot. After, we’re wrapping up in a way that makes sense for our time together. This is a chance to practice actively co-creating out loud what you do and do not want to happen—which we all know is not the norm. It isn’t always easy to do, but the practice helps to make it easier each time! 3. To try things you don’t otherwise have the space to try. Whether because of taboos or perhaps you don’t know the right person to adventure with, many of us have fantasies that seem out of reach. Here we can make those fantasies a reality. 4. To be centered and receive. In the context of a professional encounter, you just get to lay back (or whatever other position you choose) and receive. Whether this is for pleasure, for pain processing, for just loving presence and attention, you get to really relax and take it in. 5. You want to explore gender roles or expressions. Gender is so narrow and boring! If you have to show up a certain way in most contexts in your life, it can be incredible fun (aside from deeply healing and healthy) to explore other expressions. From outfits to sexual roles to types of communication, let’s switch it up! Play hard to get and let me chase you! In a judgment-free space, the world is your oyster. 6. Your body associates intimacy with violence, abuse, voicelessness and you want to build new neural pathways. So many of us have had scarring sexual experiences that have shaped our relationship with intimacy. It is noble, important work to slowly form new associations with touch and intimacy. Working with a professional is a perfect place to go at your own pace and co-create your healing path. 7. To experience a sexual relationship outside of known structures. Working with a professional is a very unique human experience. Since the beginning of human time, people all around the world have delighted in stepping outside of their daily life to delight in something different. 8. To control variables for scary explorations. Say you’re in a couple considering opening up your relationship. The initial steps can feel terribly scary, and it can be a high barrier to entry. Working together can provide the context for a more controlled experiment: No one’s going to fall in love, expectations are clear, everyone can discuss every detail ahead of time and remove some common unknowns. We can take smaller, more manageable steps together, making it feel less like a mountain. 9. For connection when you want and need it. This might be my favorite reason. The development of my work has been deeply influenced by the pain I’ve experienced throughout my life being starved for touch. I feel it as a deep ache, that in so many social situations we’re so physically close to each other, but there are so many obstacles to reaching out with our very real and present needs for closeness, for touch, for regulating our heartbeats against another person’s chest. I want to shorten the pathways to ask for it and to receive it. And so while I love a juicy educational or exploration intention, I also deeply respect when someone reaches out because they just recognize that they need some connection: to be seen, to be held, to ride the waves of pleasure with another person at their side.
