Blog Layout

Sample Coaching Projects

March 17, 2024

What can intimate coaching take on?

Whether we like it or not, very few of us had the tools or modeling for healthy intimacy growing up. We come from cultures with pervasive abuse, absence, and poor emotional literacy. Not to mention incredible sexual repression and a narrow window of what intimate/erotic/sexual behaviors are acceptable. At some point many of us realize that we need to put active attention on rebuilding this area of our lives, filling in the gaps of what wasn't modeled for us, and seeking out spaces where we can grow into what we want.


Sometimes this means a judgment-free space to explore practices we've always wanted to try, sometimes it means creating a container of trust to work through shame, pain or insecurity that continues to come up in this area of our lives, and other times it's active skill-building to become better at communication or physical sensitivity. There are so many micro-skills involved in any intimate interaction: from listening with our hands to another person's rhythms of arousal, to negotiating the frequency of communication with a partner...connection is not easy.


This is a very non-exhaustive set of example intentions that would be a good fit for this type of work. If you have an idea in mind of an intimacy project that you don't see here, great! I'd be happy to let you know if it's something I can help with.



Preparing to re-enter the dating field

Perhaps you'd like to reactive your intimate life, but it feels like something's in the way. Past experiences that have gone poorly, or doubts about what's possible. We can create a low-stakes fling, to replicate the process of re-opening, and tend to whatever comes up within the safety of this intentional nest we build. Whether it's negotiating the details of relating--what are the expectations?--or regaining comfort with physical intimacy, you'd be surprised by the confidence that comes from living it out. Imagine a soft, time-bound relationship to get back on your feet, with someone comfortable with the hard parts and happy to guide high-level communication.



Opening up a relationship

These days many people are realizing that monogamy is not for them, but choosing to open up a relationship can be daunting. Experimenting with a provider can reduce some of the variables of the experiment, offering a more manageable first step. I'm happy to work with existing relationships as they're in the process of negotiating and evolving.



Exploring a new role

I can't tell you how many men have expressed to me that having to play the active, initiative role in intimacy all the time is exhausting. And yet it's tied into so many questions of identity that it's hard to leave behind. Plus, won't every partner be expecting it? No matter which roles we're used to playing, there can be fear in trying something new. We can together create a space that feels open and supportive to experiment and learn as we go through new territory together.



So much can happen with an intention of exploration rather than the pressure of something to achieve. Outside of the dating context, there is no pressure to "make it work", to earn approval of friends and family, or even to maintain the other person's interest. We meet for a specific reason in a zone of openness, experimentation, and growth.



If this type of supported exploration sounds like something you need, I look forward to hearing from you. And if you'd like a sneak peak, follow along on Sunroom  to hear how I address common questions, and ask your own! 




By Thea Lazuli November 12, 2024
Now you can directly book our virtual intro, or email me to set up a coffee date. Safer and easier for all! 
By Thea Lazuli October 22, 2024
1. To experience intimacy in a pressure-free space. Many of us only do intimacy in the context of dating, where the anxieties of “What are we going to be to each other, are you the one, can you meet all of my needs? Any of them? Will you leave when you see my most shameful parts?” pervade. One of the major offerings of this work is that there is nothing to achieve. By taking the most common mental loops of worry off the table, we’re much more available to explore and learn, take up space, be honest with ourselves and each other. It’s a space where you don’t have to strive. What can your body experience without all that? 2. To practice healthy communication before, during and after. Sessions involve healthy communication before during and after we meet. Beforehand, we’re designing the details of what we want the session to look like. During a session we’re checking in, employing various forms of listening, and editing on the spot. After, we’re wrapping up in a way that makes sense for our time together. This is a chance to practice actively co-creating out loud what you do and do not want to happen—which we all know is not the norm. It isn’t always easy to do, but the practice helps to make it easier each time! 3. To try things you don’t otherwise have the space to try. Whether because of taboos or perhaps you don’t know the right person to adventure with, many of us have fantasies that seem out of reach. Here we can make those fantasies a reality. 4. To be centered and receive. In the context of a professional encounter, you just get to lay back (or whatever other position you choose) and receive. Whether this is for pleasure, for pain processing, for just loving presence and attention, you get to really relax and take it in. 5. You want to explore gender roles or expressions. Gender is so narrow and boring! If you have to show up a certain way in most contexts in your life, it can be incredible fun (aside from deeply healing and healthy) to explore other expressions. From outfits to sexual roles to types of communication, let’s switch it up! Play hard to get and let me chase you! In a judgment-free space, the world is your oyster. 6. Your body associates intimacy with violence, abuse, voicelessness and you want to build new neural pathways. So many of us have had scarring sexual experiences that have shaped our relationship with intimacy. It is noble, important work to slowly form new associations with touch and intimacy. Working with a professional is a perfect place to go at your own pace and co-create your healing path. 7. To experience a sexual relationship outside of known structures. Working with a professional is a very unique human experience. Since the beginning of human time, people all around the world have delighted in stepping outside of their daily life to delight in something different. 8. To control variables for scary explorations. Say you’re in a couple considering opening up your relationship. The initial steps can feel terribly scary, and it can be a high barrier to entry. Working together can provide the context for a more controlled experiment: No one’s going to fall in love, expectations are clear, everyone can discuss every detail ahead of time and remove some common unknowns. We can take smaller, more manageable steps together, making it feel less like a mountain. 9. For connection when you want and need it. This might be my favorite reason. The development of my work has been deeply influenced by the pain I’ve experienced throughout my life being starved for touch. I feel it as a deep ache, that in so many social situations we’re so physically close to each other, but there are so many obstacles to reaching out with our very real and present needs for closeness, for touch, for regulating our heartbeats against another person’s chest. I want to shorten the pathways to ask for it and to receive it. And so while I love a juicy educational or exploration intention, I also deeply respect when someone reaches out because they just recognize that they need some connection: to be seen, to be held, to ride the waves of pleasure with another person at their side.
By Thea Lazuli June 7, 2024
1. People who take their health seriously
By Thea Lazuli March 29, 2024
Life is short! Don’t let anyone convince you to only live half the human experience!
By Thea Lazuli October 14, 2023
These practices can include, for example, circulating orgasmic energy throughout the body to promote vitality, using orgasm towards specific intentions, or connecting with the divine through sexual practice.
By Thea Lazuli October 13, 2023
We work with the erotic body as an integrative practice and let the pleasure ripple out into the rest of our lives.
By Thea Lazuli October 2, 2023
Watch me explain...
More Posts
Share by: